Friday, April 20, 2012

Unintentionally hilarious children's book covers

Hi all! I'm not dead yet! I swear! Just horribly backlogged from the massive amounts of schoolwork I have going on. Anywho, this is my first post with the new Blogger format, so hopefully it won't look uber weird when I post it.

Today I have some unintentional hilarity coming your way via children's books that were meant to be taken seriously but as you can see, inspire giggles over their cover artwork and/or titles.

One, Two, Three, PULL!

I'm not sure what is supposed to be going on here (probably the chicken trying to get a worm), but this brings a whole new meaning to the term "getting down on the farm".

Never Smile at a Monkey

Hey, remember those creepy mechanical monkeys that would clap cymbals together? The ones that you were almost entirely certain would come to life while you sleep and eat your soul, inspiring Stephen King to write his short story Monkey Shines? This book cover brings forth that creepiness.

If You're Afraid of the Dark, Remember the Night Rainbow

Remember it, because in the end it's good to remember what the Boogeyman looks like before he pulls you into the closet. I'm not sure why someone thought putting a face-removing clown on the cover of a children's book would be a good idea. While it's been a long, long time since I was a child, this would have been the fuel of pants-shittingly terrifying nightmares. 

MA! There's Nothing to Do in Here!

A heartwarming tale brought to you by the word "hydrocephalus". This is less terrifying for kids as much as it is for any expectant mother. If you're tired of your pregnant friend whipping out ultrasound photos and telling you to "feel the baby kick", then give her this book and ask her how painful she thinks it'd be to deliver a baby with a head this big. 

It's Easy to Play Classical Themes

You and LVB, making beautiful music together. Other than the obvious joke here, does anyone else feel like Beethoven is going to take a huge bite out of this kid's noggin? I guess that's just one of the risks you take when you necromance composers back from the Great Beyond.

I Will Love You Forever

OK, so it's not the cover alone that made me include this, although the idea of cleaning that mess is pretty frightening. Sure it has a ridiculously oversized toilet and hand towels that are inexplicably at toilet paper level by the toilet. (Going green, I guess?) What makes this book so unintentionally funny and creepy is that the story is essentially about a mother's love for her son. Sweet, right? Well... when you have the mother driving across town with a ladder strapped to the top of her car, all so she can break into her son's house and cuddle him during the night and rock him back and forth... well... These are the things felonies and psychiatric visits are made of. Not to mention that it's pretty hard to score with the ladies when you have to explain why your mother breaks into your house to cuddle. 

Prayers for Children

This little girl stares. She stares through space and time. She stares into your soul. And she's found you wanting, you dirty sinner. Children of the Damned, anyone?

The Long Journey of Mister Poop

Yes, this is a real book. I'm familiar with the good old classic Everyone Poops, but this is the first time I've seen a digestion book give a piece of poop legs and a beret. To add onto the fun, there's some trippy artwork inside. 

The Barefooted, Bad-Tempered Baby Brigade Book 

OK, OK, this one is more adorable than funny but look at this cover and NOT have the line "Nobody puts Baby in the corner" run through your head. 

Sometimes My Mom Drinks too Much

I admit that I stole this from Parenting Fails. I have no regrets. 

Latawnya, The Naughty Horse, Learns to Say "No" to Drugs

Horses on drugs. Horses drinking alcohol. Horses ODing in front of other horses. All of this and more, inside this book. If you haven't heard about this book, then it's time you expanded your horizons. This book has inspired a dramatic reading via YouTube, has its own Wikipedia page. (where it details a lawsuit by the author against well, EVERYBODY), and TV Tropes entry. It's only fitting that this book ends out the somewhat misnamed "hilarious book cover" post.  

1 comment:

  1. Makes you wonder what they were thinking. Hopefully my book covers won't make your list.