Monday, May 21, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey: Semi-live blog

Hi all! I had to take a hiatus from the live blogging so I could finish studying for finals. And then I lost my copy, but it's now found and I've got the rest of my reactions for you!

Chapter 19: In which our heroine realizes she has to meet the parents without her drawers on and that she’ll be meating Christian in the boathouse. Also without her drawers on.
  • “My inner goddess sighs with relief. I reach the conclusion that she rarely uses her brain to think but another vital part of her anatomy, and at the moment, it’s a rather exposed part.”
  • “He has light stubble over his chin, and my fingers itch to scratch it and feel it against my face, against my breast… between my thighs.”
    • For some reason I saw this as Ana reading one of those “touch and feel” books.

 Chapter 20: In which our heroine floats Christian’s boat and later he paddles her pontoon.

  •   “His tongue and my tongue twist and turn together, consuming each other. He tastes divine.”
    •  That… sounds painful. 
  •   “This man, whom I thought of as a romantic hero, a brave shining white knight – or the dark knight, as he said.”
    •  So Christian is Batman. Oh wait, that’s Christian Bale. 
  •  “Inside me! I gasp, and all the muscles deep in my belly clench. My inner goddess is doing the dance of the seven veils.”
    • Here we go again, Ana’s IBS must be acting up.

Chapter 21: In which our heroine has desk sex, meets Mr. Hyde, and of course gets the job.

It’s only after having rather enthusiastic sex on Christian’s desk that Ana remembers that the housekeeper is in the other room and that she probably heard all of it, especially since I don’t remember Ana closing the door.

  •  And of course Christian has to force her to eat.
  • The interviewer is “Jack Hyde”. Of course he is. I’m going to guess that he’ll be the Jacob of the piece.

  Chapter 22: In which our heroine flies on a plane, sends some emails, eats an actual meal, and generally loses the attention of many readers.

  • Confession time: how many of you readers skimmed this chapter when you realized that there wasn’t going to be any sex scenes in here to laugh at?

Chapter 23: In which our heroine has lots of sex on her period and we get to see the erotic removal of a tampon. (I shit you not.)

  •  “He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string – what?! – and gently takes my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck.’”
    • I think that those last two words sums up what many readers were thinking. I could’ve lived a long time without including a tampon in a sex scene.
  • They have sex several times, but I should mention that all of this occurs on the second day of Ana’s period, which for some is the heaviest day. Just imagine a sex scene moving from the countertop to the bathtub and eventually to the two of them snuggling in bed. I’m going to assume that she reinserted a new tampon at this point, at least for the sake of the poor imaginary housecleaners that will have to remove the bedsheets later on.

Chapter 24: In which our heroine has a nightmare about food, our dynamic duo go gliding, and they almost have sex in an IHOP.

  • “I glance up at him, and he’s staring at me in that way that tightens all the muscles in my belly and takes my breath away, his eyes dark and smoldering.”

Chapter 25: In which our lovers do the horizontal mambo. Again. And Ana begins to realize that their relationship might not last in its current state.

  •  “Anticipation runs bubbling like soda through my veins.”

Chapter 26: In which we finally come to the end of Fifty Shades and the end of Ana’s relationship with Christian… for now…

  • Basically Ana comes to the realization that while Christian is going to try, he’s not going to try hard enough to actually make a fulfilling relationship possible at this state. The two split and we’re left with Ana sobbing on the floor of her apartment, all alone.

So there you have it, folks. I'll try to sum up my opinion of everything for the review!


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